The journey through my broken heart

Yesterday I had a good day.  Yesterday my thoughts were not consumed with thoughts of him, or of the hurt and pain.  Today hasn't been a BAD day...but I'm having trouble focusing today.  I am praying, more than I have prayed in a long time.  But I can't find the words to pray sometimes.  I just sit there, my mind empty.  Ok, not empty, but not able to focus on what I need to say.    As I was driving today, this song came on the radio.  Honestly, it is so hard to sing...and even harder to mean... Thy Will Hillary Scott , The Scott Family I’m so confused I know I heard you loud and clear So, I followed through Somehow I ended up here I don’t wanna think I may never understand That my broken heart is a part of your plan When I try to pray All I’ve got is hurt and these four words   Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done   I know you’re good But this don’t feel good right now And I know you think Of thi...

The first time I ever decided to try the blogging world was after I had a miscarriage four years ago.   Now, four years later, around the same time as the miscarriage, I find myself needing an outlet to express another pain that I am experiencing.   Although I thought losing my child through a miscarriage was the hardest thing I was ever going to have to do, I was wrong.   Sitting here as I type this, I'm currently in the process of losing my husband of 9 years, and my partner of 14 1/2.    And although it makes me feel like I am tarnishing my love for the baby I only carried in my womb by saying it…losing my husband is harder.  I have not been able to put this pain into those words until this past weekend because I was so fearful that admitting the pain was greater from losing my husband would mean my baby was not important. It doesn’t make the pain I experienced with losing my baby any less.   It just means that I value my husband and my ...